Who is this woman?

A couple of days ago, I was sitting with my sister-friend circle and we were talking about where we were at this very moment. However, one of my sisters proclaimed that she was trying to figure out “the woman in the mirror.” The question for the moment was, “Who is this woman?” She was making a clear self-proclamation of the woman that she lost and that she quickly needed to find after a failed relationship and marriage! She was excited that she was 30 days clean from any male bullshit, “30 days clean from failed relationships and into love rehab.” To know this woman, was to absolutely love her and I was proud of her. So many of us, are heartbroken over the failed relationships, that we ignore the small adjustments we have made being by ourselves to heal. 

We wake up looking at ourselves in the mirror asking, “Who is this woman?” We see in ourselves, someone, who has grown up to be something we were taught to be by the cloth of our ancestors’ strength. We see a reflection of ourselves that have been tired of the endless and meaningless relationships we have with many men that have arrived to be helped without reciprocity. We continue to extend ourselves with everyone else “stuff”, but we don’t provide ourselves with the same courtesy to help ourselves in fixing our challenges, insecurities, and barriers to receive what we deserve in our lives. “When do we get tired and decide to change this?” I hear women discuss things they continue to accept but I don’t see the work being done to change the trajectory of their future. I am with this group and I am not without accountability, either. Everywhere I look, it seems that women can’t be emotional, aren’t allowed to feel, are to remain strong through the mess. Yes, we can be emotional but while being in our feelings; what are we going to do to change our paths and patterns? I tell my sister-friends to allow yourself to feel your way through but don’t live there too long! I want to be able to see the woman in the mirror, reflect on the bad, good, indifferent, and move on to the next! 

“You’re not the first, and you won’t be the last! But, you’ll get through it.”

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I said to myself, that I would always be transparent when I started writing again. I am going through this journey of being separated and single and choosing to be happy at this current moment in my life. It seems as though this is the season for everything to fall apart in a relationship. Some of us are struggling with the decision to separate from a marriage that has taken its last course. It takes a strong woman to admit that it’s time to let go of what once was out of her marriage. I grappled with the decision before to separate from my marriage because I always wanted it to work because I didn’t get marriage to get a divorce. Things change and not always for the better. I bear with the decision because I was never raised to quit but I wasn’t raised to be used. I believe that some women, to include me, give their all-in relationships with unlimited boundaries when we are in love. Unconditional love! However, there are times when motives are clear from one party and not attentive from the receiving end.

The day I decided to leave my husband for the fifth time was after his 48thbirthday. It wasn’t the birthday; it was what he said that was the catalyst of the demise of our marriage. I was always told that you never give a person another opportunity to have you look like a fool. I gave him numerous opportunities and I looked like a dumb ass woman in love. After being told so many times that they no longer wanted the marriage; I made it up in my mind that it was time to go. Yes, we went to the initial counseling on four separate occasions (I called, we attended, and he walked out)! The normal gifts when he “messed up” and the 80% of gift giving was associated with complaints.

“When a woman knows her worth and deserves what she asks for; she is made to look crazy.” I was emotionally drained and tired, but I prayed and felt that my faith and work would change the situation. “But it didn’t.” The reality didn’t set in until I left the house. I left the house with our children and started to live life over alone. These past three months have been hell, but I know I’m not alone with a journey like this. Although it has been three months, my mind left the relationship years ago due to his barriers and my unwillingness to take any more of his crap. While transitioning through this separation; I have taken a stance on what will make me become healthier by prioritizing my happiness.

I wait for the day and time for clarity with “Beautiful moments and Life Experiences!”

“The Narrative of a woman.”

When I started writing and eventually started my blog (3 years ago); my goal was to write about my thoughts on topics of interest that left me either analyzing my situations through life or the life that women have on a daily basis. The narrative of some of these subjects should be changed, explored, and discussed. Since joining Instagram (IG), I follow some pages that spark numerous interest in writing, women businesses, some fashion, instant celebrities (Local and Global), bloggers, and family and friends there are some pages that leave much thought about the narrative of women in relationships. As I scroll through the pages I follow; I’m a little taken back at times of the messages that I’ve seen.

Changing the narrative about women and their need to do more in relationships are what has been on my mind. I wonder when those things are posted, do they take into consideration the thoughts and pressure of a woman whom is single, married but not happy, separated and confused about where she stands in the world, widowed, and divorced go through emotionally. For the woman that is dealing with her brokenness at that time in her life and involved in a damaging relationship. I think about the women that having thoughts about leaving, giving the relationship another go with the hopes of it changing for the better, or the need to escape but while making this decision; she could be walking on “eggshells.” I think about me! I think about my anger and shame of it not working out when is see the narratives, I think about the lessons I’ve learned as that woman that they are pushing their agenda on!

Why do women appear to have the messages of “measuring up” in a relationship? Where are the messages on marriages for men? I would love to see the narrative on what it is or what it should look like for the woman and man to work it out together, build together, grow together, or just be honest without the hidden agenda. Many things that I rarely see, display transparency of the work needed for everyone to work at bettering themselves. I want to see the narrative change for women that will celebrate women and to explore the healing of brokenness and love women.

pexels-photo-952251.jpegIt is time to keep the message but change the narrative about what women need to do!

 

 

Getting Back to my love!!

To my readers, followers, and passer-byers, it has been a rough year since the last time I have written on my own personal blog.  I have had blessings and lessons through it all. I was out of motivation to write on this blog but motived to write when urged on another blog to help other women whom I thought could benefit in a wonderful sister circle. Although I wasn’t tending to my blog, I have since published two books in the process! I am now back to me and serving you, the reader, for more purpose driven content. Through this year, I have been seeking self and transitioning in my own life. I have reflected on what has and will make me happy; while still being the mommy of my two wonderful kiddies. As I get my bearings back together and get my emotions intact; I am back to fresh and transparent content. My goal is to post one to two times a week and to touch on subject matter that will make us all think, hurt, cry, or deal with our own bull in the form of self-awareness.  Thank you for following me and please care to share!

 

Thank you again! 

“Granting yourself access to your life.”

I was hit with an epiphany while in Dallas, Texas seven months ago, while attending a leadership conference; that women too often, give away their power and continue to grant other people access to their lives. I began to start thinking about me and how I was one of those women not too long ago. What I’ve noticed to often are women who continue to allow people access to their inner being. Understanding women are nurtures by nature; it is okay to allow sometime to develop yourself into a well-rounded person. Like the saying goes, you can’t give into someone else if your cup is empty. Women should tap into themselves to grant themselves access to their own lives. You are probably asking How, What, When, Where, Whose, Which, and Who.

The “How” is through the Grace of GOD and deciding to take your power back.

The “When” is your readiness.

The “Where” is in the comfort of your home, car, at the gym, at work etc. “Where” is the whole physical location. Having peace wherever you are.

The “Whose” is whose time you need to take up; and that is yours and the Lord because his opinion is the only one that matters.

The “Which” can be which day of the week, which direction should I take, or which program to enroll in. Regardless of “Which” route you take; you are doing it for you and your family!

The “Who” is whose listening or supporting you? You should only be concerned with yourself and how your pleasing GOD. God is the only confidant that need to know what your next move shall be. Everyone is not playing on your team!

When you begin to develop yourself by education, praying, self-evaluation, and finding your inner peace; you begin to grant yourself access to your life. We as women began to feel self-assured and begin to take care of us.

Why I took a hiatus from Social Media and the lessons it taught me!

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Several months ago, and on a Friday, was the perfect time to start a hiatus from social media because of the swearing in of this country’s next President, #45. I remember several months ago, during the Presidential election; I decided to take a social media break for my SANITY! My intentions to have this break came due to being overwhelmed with technology, the horrible election results, and coming to the realization that I needed to refocus on more pressing things that were going on in my life. My first day on my hiatus was filled with being engaged and emotionally available for my children with dance class and a children’s birthday party; and all the other motherly duties that always await me everyday. However, before the activities; I dedicated more than an hour to content development for my blog and ideas for my Life Coaching business. While at the party, I could engage in communication with other adults around me. It’s sad to realize that life has and continues to happen outside of social media.  No person should be that engulfed in social media with moderations. (But, we’re all adults!) Guilty party of One!

My activities during my 48 hours were pleasant, engaging, entertaining, and restful. I could refocus on what was important and who was supportive and was able to re-group in order to write, participating in more than just family activities, and more mommy time. After, my 48-hour hiatus, I felt accomplished, revived, refreshed, and ready to take on the next level of goals that I had set in front of me. In closing, I would recommend that every person disconnect from social media every now and then to fully engage in the world that is around them called “Life”.

Thank You 2016 and Welcome 2017!

2016 was such an eventful year for everyone I can truthfully say. 2016 for me has been full of lessons. Lessons in self-discovery, love, finding self upon my 40th birthday, losing and finding people who support you, sickness, and death. My question to you on this day; How did you make out? I pray that you still have your Faith; that you survived!

I’m writing to say thank you 2016 you’ve brought with you a lot of experience and epitomes to me! I thank you for my awakening and my transition from my 30’s to my 40th birthday. During 2016, my experiences didn’t fall short of possibilities of new ventures. Ventures in speaking and being a co-host (guest) with my brother and a new network of others. While experiencing those wonderful experiences; I had to learn that all business opportunities are not always compatible. However, it provided no limitations to what I can do or try. I’ve come to learn that not all people can take a strong woman with a robust personality, kind-heart, and intelligence. Although, I’ve dealt with sabotage and betrayal; I’ve experienced love and support from like-minded, professional women, whom I flourished in front of.

I’ve blossomed 10 folds into the woman GOD has created me to be. I’m not at all saying that I’m better than anyone else or have allowed in my space but I surely became a better woman because of my experiences. 2016, also taught me that there should be “No Holds Barr” on life as I watched a loved one cling to life for a month in the hospital because of an aggressive stage of Lymphoma. I truly believe this was the Lord’s way of making me face my biggest fear and that was “Death”. My preparation came in the form of attending approximately 8 funerals while I was in the President’s Seat of my Order of the Eastern Star Chapter. Although, I had attended these funerals; my biggest test came when my husband became gravely ill with cancer and decided to give up. I had to gather my thoughts quickly because what came next, I wasn’t prepared to hear. My spouse requested that “I”, yes me; plan his funeral. I cried until I couldn’t cry anymore. What surprised me was that he encouraged me through the process and consoled me. After the encouragement came from him, his moment with the Lord and a good connection with the hospital’s clergyman that visit and sat with him twice a day.

After that ordeal, I left and had to find myself and returned to truth and honesty with a no holds bar attitude of fearlessness or anything that was to come at the end of 2016 and entering 2017.

The experience of 2016 left a bittersweet taste but I learned a lot and found my strength. I bid 2016 a fond farewell and welcome 2017 with open arms!

Love Your Vajayjay: Cervical Cancer Awareness month.

 

 

We’ve all heard and said, “New Year, New Me!” well to all the ladies, while we are working towards a new you in the new year; Let’s schedule an annual pap test and “Love our Vajavaginayjay!” or our womb during the month of January. On healthfinder.gov, 79 million Americans currently have HPV (human papillomavirus). However, many people with HPV are unaware. Each year 11, 000 women in the U.S. get cervical cancer. In an effort, to detect cervical cancer; women should have regular screenings for any abnormal cells. Vaccine shots can prevent HPV; however, research all meds before taking them and discuss all of your options with your Physician.

Yes, we wear pink in October, participate in walk/runs, and make Breast Cancer donations; but we don’t discuss cervical cancer in abundance as we should like Breast Cancer. I am writing this short blog to bring some awareness to another silent killer that can be prevented. Please visit www.cdc.gov/cancer/cervical for more information to learn the symptoms, risk factors, and how to reduce the risk of cervical cancer.

Life Management during the holidays!

For the everyday or notlifemanagment.jpg so ready mother, parent, and/or father; I’m pretty sure you are questioning yourself and asking; “How do I manage my life when it’s so busy with no time for me?”

As the working parents or the stay at hone moms and dads; we constantly think of how to de-clutter our lives. If it’s to organize your home, family calendar, work environment, or to have a better understanding of work/life balances.  As a mother, I’m constantly looking for ways to declutter my life. During this time of the year; we are preparing for spending time with immediate and extended family and friends throughout the holiday season into the New Year. Our calendar days are filled with plans for dinner menus, gift list, R.S.V.P’s, invited guest, etc. In an effort to find a happy medium for life management during the winter and holiday seasons; here are some de-cluttering tips for the holidays. these few tips can be put in place during the everyday work week, as well.

Holiday Life Management

1)    Set a budget: it’s imperative that you set a budget for the holiday and food shopping by setting a budget, creating a menu, the usage of coupons or shop for the best deals.

2)    Take time out for yourself while planning, shopping, and hosting. Self-care is very important during the holidays.

3)    Know that saying “No” is okay. Know your limits and not over extending yourself for other people.

4)    Handle household chores on a set schedule to not overwhelm yourself. Set a calendar for all on certain areas of your life. If you have school age children; this could be a time to introduce small chores to them.

5)    Curb your time with time stealers. Time stealers are social media, television, and people. Television isn’t bad; however, complete all task items before sitting to watch a little T.V.

In conclusion, although the holidays are stressful for some; it can be avoided with organization and task list. Don’t forget to have fun!

A Black Man

It was a figure of stature, bronzed and deep. Fragrant with musk and jasmine but clothed in elegance. Shape like masculine Kings, embodied with intelligence and strong to protect as royalty over the jungle and the world. It feels like strength, power, protection, and intellect. When it speaks, it sounds as though it was slow jazz with that bass. Bass so deep that its tone carries heat, but never meek. It smells like Africa’s riches in minerals, African dawn, and Sugar bush with the taste of Honey. blackmanblog